im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
