Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
