Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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