yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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