Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
