I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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