Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
