I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
