just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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