peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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