What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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