I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
