i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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