idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
