Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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