Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
