Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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