just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
