So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
