I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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