you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
