Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
