don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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