So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
