I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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