Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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