the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
