I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize