yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
