This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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