I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
