I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
