This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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