There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
