i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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