Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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