Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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