Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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