Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
