dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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