sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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