Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
