Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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