Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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