She's JV to your varsity
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's just like the Real World with babies
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
