u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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