nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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