This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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