I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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