I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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