you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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