You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
