Just fell off a train. Bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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