we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize