I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
