I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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