My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
