My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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