Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
