she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
