I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
