I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
