you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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