no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
two words: eviction party
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
