i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
