but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
