I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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