he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
