im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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