Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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