i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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