LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
