just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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