Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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