woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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