So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
